So as you may have seen in my previous blog I went to Dublin just after Christmas for a few days. By then the kind-of-there-but-not-really cold that had been hanging around for the previous week, came out with full force. When I was away I had to make the most of it despite getting early nights every day and treating myself as much as possible with what meds etc I had. 

When I got home I was able to restart recoup. I went to the hospital to get the iron infusion I needed which I thought would help. It hasn't done much if I'm honest. Anyway, I was also swabbed (nasty process) and it was found I had RSV which is respiratory synovial virus. Basic cold/virus but can potentially be dangerous with a compromised immune system. It had already gone to my chest and I had a mildly alarming cough. My team had doubled up my anti-inflammatory/antibiotic but we were hoping my body would kick it itself. I was told if it got any worse I would need some fairly harsh IV treatment. Thankfully I did start to improve. The annoying thing was it seemed to keep coming back, going off, coming back....

I'm finally feeling better as they hoped I would after 6 weeks, however I'm still very tired and just a bit....blah.. Nothing I would go and get treated for, my chest is fine but my pain has been bad in my back and joints, I've been very tired, my hair is really dry, I've been getting dull headaches, skin is very sensitive, all the symptoms of being a bit run down. 

As a result I've not been able to go very far until recently, and it's usually a bit of a slog when I do. Staying in combined with how I feel, the inevitable connection with feeling pre transplant, the deaths of some people in the transplant community, a reprioritisation of things I can and can't commit to right now and the fact that a few good friends are struggling a lot, has not done wonders for my anxiety and depression. 

I am getting much better at taking a step back and recognising how I'm actually doing. I realised that little annoyances were pushing me over the edge. As though out back somewhere I'm carrying a huge black shadow around with me, I'm not entirely sure what has bothered me so much or what to doable the it but there we go. 

There have been positive things too but it's been a bit of a harder couple of weeks than I wanted.